


Surf Lessons

by ChibisUnleashed, KamuiWithFangs



Series: Despina [6]
Category: Saiyuki, X/1999
Genre: Crack, Don't Try This At Home, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Sharks, Surfing, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibisUnleashed/pseuds/ChibisUnleashed, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KamuiWithFangs/pseuds/KamuiWithFangs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sharks are the cats of the sea and Sanzo's pride isn't sure it can survive this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surf Lessons

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: So full of crack it should be illegal.

Boards were laid out on the sand, flat and scattered to give everyone enough room between them to fall flat on their ass and not knock anybody else over with them.

Smart planning on the instructor’s part, since there weren’t too many here for lessons this morning. It was a group of five, and four of them were bikini-clad ladies paying more attention to their swimsuits than the surf boards.

Which left Sanzo, in his black swimming trunks and an unbuttoned beach shirt, already pissed the fuck off. He was positive Hakkai was loving this already from where he was _leisurely_ sunbathing close by. Why the _hell_ did Lelouch not have anything for the bastard to do today? Surely _someone_ needed to die.

Goku checked the watch on his wrist, then began waving in the air to get everyone’s attention, “Alright, lessons start now! Anyone serious about surfing, follow me. Anyone here to flirt, Gojyo’s over there!” He pointed to his right at the redhead a few feet away.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Why, does he suck at surfing?”

A smile twinkled in Goku’s eyes, but then he was feigning uncertainty, failing to make eye contact and slowly shrugging his shoulders, “Well, _I_ think so, but...”

“Fuck you, monkey!” The shout from Gojyo cut him off, and an obscene finger came up to greet them, “My surfing’s just so awesome your simian brain can’t handle it!”

“Oh?” All hints of reservation gone, Goku turned and stuck his tongue out at the roach, “Is that why _I’m_ the local reigning champ?”

Oh fuck him, they were even _louder_ out on the beach than in the bar. Sanzo rubbed at his forehead, anticipating the headache, and immediately dug out his pack of cigarettes stashed in the pocket of his trunks. He lit up without a second thought since this was probably going to _take a while._

“Uh,” Goku scratched his cheek nervously, then absently gestured at Sanzo’s pocket, “You got a better place to keep those? Left there, they’ll get crushed, and if not, soaked when you get in the water.”

Well. At least the brat wasn’t asking him to put it out or anything. Sanzo took out the cigarettes and lighter, turned around, and chucked the two items in Hakkai’s direction.

Hakkai was all too cheerfully waiting for it. He _caught_ the lighter, but had to reach for the box. Never the less, the sunbathing hitman remained irritatingly pleasant when he reassured Sanzo, “Don’t worry I’ll take good care of them.”

Sanzo wanted to shoot him. Unfortunately he didn’t have a gun stashed on him too, (because Hakkai was also looking after that), and had no choice but to face his new “teacher” again.

“Better?” he bit out.

“Yeah,” Goku smiled, then came around to stand next to the board closest to Sanzo, “Now let me show you how this part works. You seem smart, so I’m not gonna explain _everything,_ but, yanno, if you have a question, stop me.”

Sanzo exhaled the smoke from his lips looking entirely uninterested, even if he couldn’t _afford_ to be given the nature of his lost bet. Hakkai earned himself another mental curse that probably put it in the tens of thousands Sanzo sent him the past week.

“Go on.”

There was a pause, just a fraction of a second, before Goku finally lowered himself to the board. He wasn’t used to someone who spoke in two-syllable sentences. Maybe that was just all the flirty girls getting to him, with their constant inane chatter, but that couldn’t be it, because Goku and Gojyo talked just as much about just as little even _before_ they started these lessons.

There was no explaining it. Goku just wasn’t used to it, that was all.

“So, to start, you’ve gotta get your ass out to the lineup, right?” Goku rolled onto his side, looking over his shoulder to make eye contact with Sanzo. It was the only way to ensure he was listening. “You lay flat on the board, like I was, and paddle. Doggy paddle, free style, however you wanna think about it.”

He flopped back onto his stomach, studying the waves rolling in. They were small and gentle, nothing to duck under, so he shrugged, “Once you’re out there, you wait for the wave you want, then turn around and start paddling again. You wanna try to be right on the wave when it crests and you’ll feel this... this forward push, and that’s when you wanna stand up. So!”

Goku pushed up with his arms and snapped his legs forward, suddenly his feet were under him on the board, “You gotta pop up, as fast as you can. The faster and smoother you can do it, the better. This is what you gotta practice, ‘cause trust me, doin’ it on the sand is way easier than on the water.”

...Yeah sure. The brat made it look stupidly simple. Sanzo seemed focused on the _stupid_ part because, holy fuck, _what_ was so great about it that Hakkai wanted to see him do?

Watching the perky brunette do it wasn’t so bad though. He had a nice body.

...For surfing.

“You want me to stand on the board.”

Goku blinked and tilted his head back to catch Sanzo’s eyes, again, “I want you to pop up. Lay down, pop up, over and over ‘till you’re quick at it. Like this,” and Goku laid back down on his stomach, going through the motions of standing step by step to be as clear as possible. Hopping off to the side, he gestured at the board, “Now you try.”

Sanzo didn’t look like he was going to try.

“I can see why you guys like teaching the bikini bimbos.”

Goku couldn’t stop the almost strangled sort of groan low in his throat. Honestly, he should have expected what ‘teaching’ would be like when Squall had only hired them to distract girls that wouldn’t leave Shiva’s owner alone, but he had still thought they would end up with serious students more often than not.

He had been wrong.

“Don’t lump me in with Gojyo,” There was a pleading tone to the professional surfer’s voice, “ _please._ There’s a reason I asked for the,” his eyes raked Sanzo over from head to toe and back, to make it _extra_ obvious who he was talking about, “ _serious student,_ because I really hate trying to teach and getting flirted with, instead. I love surfing; I wanna teach _surfing._ Is that really too much to ask?”

“I’m not _that_ serious. I only need to learn how to catch and ride one wave. That’s it.”

Goku raised a single eyebrow at the oddity of that goal, and pointed out the unfortunate truth of it all, “I guarantee you, that’s more than they’re trying to get out of this.” He gestured to the girls behind him with his thumb. “But why just one wave? You look a little young to be working on a bucket list.”

Sanzo’s eyebrow twitched and he took a long drag before he finally had to admit it. _Again._

“I lost a fucking bet to that asshole over there.” He only dignified pointing out Hakkai with a vague tilt of his head.

…

Goku burst into laughter, loud and unrestrained. He wasn’t upset; anything that got him a real student was appreciated, but, “You’re _fucked.”_ He took a deep breath to quiet himself down, but gleeful chuckling and a wide grin refused to be reined in. He indicated the board between them with a playful gesture and amused eyes, “You might wanna practice that pop up, ‘cause you can’t catch a wave without it.”

Well wasn’t the brat just _cheeky._ Hakkai must have known---well of course he _knew,_ they worked at the same fucking bar. _Shit._ Sanzo stubbed out his cigarette and looked at the surfboard as if it had crabs crawling all over it.

“I’m only as _fucked_ as your ability to teach.”

Goku shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and confidently staring the blond down, “I already showed you how to do it. Unless you want me to _wrestle_ you onto the damn board, I can’t do any more.”

Sanzo scoffed and shed his shirt, letting it land on the sand. He took a grand total of one step closer to said damn board.

“As if a shrimp like you could.”

That was a nice show and all, and maybe Goku could have let the insult slide in a return favor for the eye candy, but he couldn’t, because the situation was _begging_ for it. If it was possible, his grin grew even wider, eyes clearly pleading with Sanzo to _give him an excuse,_ “Wanna _bet_ on it?”

Sanzo had one menacing finger at the ready for that one. Only because his gun wasn’t currently on him.

“ _Fuck you._ Now show me how to do this damn thing one more time.”

Goku gave a pleased little laugh, even as he dropped back down and took the paddling position one more time. Hands on the rails, lift up, feet forward, stand. With a grand gesture, Goku stepped off of the board and made way for The Bitchy One, “Hope you were paying attention that time.”

“The fuck do you care? Aren’t you paid by the hour?”

Unfortunately, there was nothing left to beat around the bush with, so Sanzo finally walked up to the board. Then dropped. And then stood up again.

….What a stupid sport.

If his expression was anything to go by, Goku was enjoying this _immensely._ Why not? Real student, cute guy, fiery temper, and so far, interested in witty banter. This was a great day for Goku.

Did he mention real student?

“I don’t think you want your feet like that,” Goku spoke up suddenly, eager to grasp any excuse to instruct, “When you slide on tile in your socks, and don’t tell me you never have, _everyone_ has, whichever foot you keep behind you, you want behind you on the board.”

“....Hn.” Was all Sanzo had to say. He’d never been one for authority, except when it matched his own wants. It worked out pretty well with Lelouch, and _usually_ Hakkai...

That was the last time he was betting with the bastard so casually. He hoped the pianist ended up with a sunburn.

Sanzo attempted the board thing again.

“Yeah, that looks right,” Goku nodded with approval, squatting down in the sand to better watch Sanzo’s hands and feet while he practised. As it turned out, it also gave him a better view of Sanzo’s back, where a large, gorgeously stylized tattoo was drawn into his skin, “Nice shark.”

It took Sanzo a confused moment to realize what Goku was referring to. He made it a habit not to leave his back exposed, in all senses, but that was impossible to avoid while lying stomach down on a waxy piece of foam.

All Hakkai’s fault.

“It’s not fake either.” It was also probably the only memento of their previous boss that _didn’t_ piss him off.

“I didn’t think it was,” Goku answered in an awed tone. He really wanted to touch it. He wasn’t going to, and he was absolutely certain it didn’t actually _feel_ any different from the rest of his skin, but Goku was the touchy type, and he wanted to touch it. “Looks like it’s been there awhile.”

“Since I was 11,” Sanzo responded casually as he leapt to his feet.

“Holy shit,” Goku was the speak-before-you-think type, too, “I was still terrified of flu shots when I was eleven. What are you, some kind of badass?”

The blond smirked. He’d given the cheeky brat too much credit in thinking he might have caught on to his comment about it being not fake. But maybe it was for the best Goku was blissfully unaware of the world beneath Despina’s beachy paradise. Sanzo’s job wasn’t exactly anything to brag about, especially in the days when he’d been required to get the tattoo.

“Something like that.”

Goku’s thought train immediately derailed, because the blond looked _good_ when he smirked like that.

It was convenient that he always had surfing to fall back to. The next time Sanzo was laying on the board, Goku realized his feet were laying in the sand, so he reached over and tugged one up, using his hands to encourage Sanzo’s leg to bend at the knee, “You’re really tall, so when you paddle out, you’re probably gonna want your feet up like this to reduce drag, at least with a shortboard.”

….

Sanzo didn’t have many rules in his life that he stuck to, but perhaps he should have had one about _strangers_ touching his feet. Holy fuck, did it feel... weird. He jerked his foot free and flipped onto his back to glare at his “instructor”. Yeah, he bet the girls loved that part of the lesson.

“I’m not one of the bimbos. Don’t get all touchy with me.”

Goku sat blinking at the foot no longer in his hands, before he dug them into the sand and leaned over his student, in a _completely wrong_ position, now, “It’s a physical _sport._ There’s _usually_ touching.” He couldn’t help it if his expression got a little indignant. Sanzo was accusing him of behaving like Gojyo, _again,_ “I’m not bein’ inappropriate. ‘Sides, _if_ I was just comin’ up with reasons to touch you, I’d make an excuse to get near your ass, not your feet, ‘cause one’s hot and one’s _feet.”_

It was immediately Sanzo’s turn to look indignant.

“The fuck! You’re checking out my ass?!”

“Not intentionally!” How had this conversation nose-dived so spectacularly? Goku hadn’t even _done_ anything, and this guy was taking offense at hypotheticals? On top of that, it was a hypothetical that called him _hot._ What was wrong with him? “But you’re a good-looking guy. Deal with it!”

This information did a grand total of _nothing_ to ease Sanzo’s mind. Sure, Goku was a good-looking guy too, but that didn’t mean that checking out anyone’s ass, no matter how guilty either of them was, needed to be discussed. At all.

“I thought you wanted to teach and _not_ fucking flirt!”

“I said _instead_ of teaching, and you were learnin’ pretty well,” A slow, lazy smile tugged at Goku’s lips while he clarified, “But getting to teach _and_ flirt? With a cute guy who _isn’t_ brainless? That’s like a _bonus.”_

Okay, what the hell? So what, Goku was _interested_ in him now? Somehow Sanzo had more than a feeling Hakkai _knew this would happen._ Shit.

“Listen here, asshole. I’m _not_ here to flirt, I just need to catch one goddamn wave and then I’m done, so let’s take care of _business_.”

Goku took one hand out of the sand to gesture at himself, “ _I’m_ not the one who quit practising.”

Sanzo _growled_ when he flipped back over to attempt the stupid exercise again.

“Just keep your dick in your pants and your hands where I can see them.”

Goku, pointedly ignoring the sexy growl, moved to straddle the nose of the board and laid his hands down flat in front of Sanzo.

“Better?”

“No.” Just because Sanzo was feeling spiteful. He popped back to his feet, and crossed his arms over his chest. Like _hell_ he was going to keep jumping around so the spikey-haired bastard could watch him like a piece of meat the entire time. “We’re moving on to something else now.”

Goku blinked and stared. Now, standing up on the board might not be the hardest part (Except for Fuuma), but it _was_ the only part that had more to do with the board than the water. Even the standing had a whole second half that came just from being on a wave. If he _had_ to pick something, though...

“Uh, maybe you can practice leaning? It’s how you’d turn on a wave, but obviously you won’t go anywhere on the sand.”

….

The words ‘No Shit’ came to mind.

“I’m not catching any waves on the sand either.”

Goku grinned.

“Damn. I _almost_ wanna take you out right now _just_ to watch you wipe out.”

Sanzo glared.

“Me wiping out was a given the minute I stepped on the beach. Don’t get so fucking excited.”

An eyebrow raised.

“Does that mean you actually want me to grab a board and take you out?”

Sanzo kind of wanted to punch something.

“Anything’s better than flailing out here in the sand.”

Goku was up in an instant.

“Alright! Wait here.”

Then he was running off to Shiva’s.

...Which left Sanzo to his own devices. He scowled and wondered if he had enough time to head back to Hakkai for another cigarette.

When Goku came trotting back, it was with a longboard in his arms, tethered securely to his ankle, “I’m warning you now, there _will_ be touching.”

Sanzo was halfway through the cigarette and looking none too pleased with Hakkai when Goku came bounding back to piss him off even more. How convenient.

“I gave you my two conditions.”

“Then let’s go,” Goku made his way to the shoreline, gesturing for Sanzo to follow, and tossed the board onto the water, “Lay on it like you were before.”

Sanzo wasn’t exactly in a hurry. He leisurely took a last puff of his cigarette and stared disdainfully at this new surfboard. The blond wasn’t going to like this, he could _sense_ it. But, again, it was better than flailing in the sand.

Too bad his gun wouldn’t do shit out in the water.

When Sanzo was good and ready, he stepped up to the board, getting his first taste of the cold ocean because _of course it was fucking cold._

Whatever. Onto the board he went.

“Here comes the touching,” Goku warned in a resigned tone. All he could do was hope the fit Sanzo pitched wouldn’t be quite as explosive as it could be. Pushing the board further out into the water, Goku finally hopped on, laying half behind, half _on top of_ Sanzo, and began to paddle.

“Oi!” Sanzo struggled to flip over, cold water and _physics_ be damned, “The hell are you doing!?”

“Paddling, which is what _you_ should be doing,” Although watching him attempt to flip over and roll right off the board might be hilarious, it wouldn’t make Sanzo’s fit any shorter, “I’m gonna have to do all the work on the wave; the least you could do is not make me do all the work paddling out, too.”

“Don’t try and give me that bullshit! You love this fucking sport and you’re loving being up my ass while doing it!”

“I do love surfing,” Goku agreed, voice carefully even while he tried to diffuse the blond bombshell on the front of his board, “and I’m sure I could also love your ass, but no, this _really is_ the best way to paddle out when tandem surfing.”

Sanzo really wanted to kick him. Or maybe Hakkai. Or maybe all the deities from on high that were laughing their asses off at his misfortune. The amount of humiliation he was having to endure from one little fucking bet was beyond ridiculous. And Goku was trying to tell him this was all _necessary._

Alright _fine._

Sanzo started paddling. By shoving as much water at Goku as he could while doing it.

“So surfing and being a perverted fucker go hand in hand. No wonder Hakkai set me up with this shit.”

After sputtering and choking on the first wave of water that went down his throat in place of _air,_ Goku coughed and ducked his head against Sanzo’s back to prevent _that_ from happening again, “Damn it, Sanzo! I need to _breathe_ you know!”

“Che!” It was Sanzo’s own will and _nothing else_ that had him toning the splashing down to normal paddling, “Just know there’s a lot more where that came from if you try anything funny!”

Goku smiled. He couldn’t help it.

“This is _already_ funny to me. I don’t _need_ to try anything.”

Sanzo splashed him again.

More sputtering, but this time it ended with laughter. That was funny, and Goku had been asking for it, so it was fair. But just because Sanzo had spared him this time, didn’t mean the blond _wouldn’t_ try to drown him later if he kept teasing relentlessly, so the professional let his laughter die and allowed silence to overtake them, leaving the sounds of the sea in its wake.

Until a few minutes later, when Goku couldn’t take it, anymore.

“Your shark’s even cooler up close.”

….

Strangely enough, the comment _didn’t_ weird Sanzo out even more (Fuck, was he just _used_ to it now!?) but he was still glaring over his shoulder.

“Keep it up and I’ll introduce you to a real one.”

“I’ve already met a real one, asshole,” Was Goku going to be threatened systematically every time he spoke until he dumped the blond back on shore? “I’m a surfer. I’m out here every day. Sharks are _normal_ here.”

…...

Somehow the obviousness of that statement had never occurred to Sanzo.

“ _Fuck_ as if there aren’t enough hazards to my safety out here. I don’t see any bite marks on you though.”

“That’s ‘cause sharks don’t eat people on purpose,” Goku snickered, “All the research says when they bite humans it’s more about curiosity than anything. There’s never been a true shark attack on this particular beach, anyway. Our native sharks are too small.”

There was a pause, and Goku’s smile widened.

“You were checkin’ me out for marks?”

Sanzo was _not_ having this conversation.

“No, I’m waiting for you to be done flirting so surfing can happen, you bastard.”

“Relax, we’re almost to the line up, and I’ll have you know, I can flirt and surf at the same time.” He wasn’t sure he could stop, though, because he didn’t _mean_ to flirt, not really, it was just _happening._ Sanzo was hot, his attitude was sharp, and teasing him was _too easy._

Goku _liked_ it.

He was temporarily saved from further accusations by the presence of a familiar surfer up ahead, “Hey, Fuuma! How’s the water treating you?”

The volleyball player looked back over his shoulder before he turned around on his board, “It’s been good! I’m actually managing to stand on these waves. The longer board seems to be working.”

Sanzo did not share Fuuma’s sentiments about the longer board.

“And you’re going straight in to shore?” Goku paddled them to where Fuuma was waiting, with or without the blond’s help, and sat up, finally removing himself from Sanzo’s person.

“Yeah,” Fuuma nodded, “But I _almost_ completed a frontside bottom curve!”

“That’s awesome!” Goku’s smile reflected his excitement for the beginner’s success, “Do you already know what went wrong?”

And here the star’s smile turned bashful, “It was a backside wave.”

Goku’s laughter cut sharp through the air, but he wasn’t making fun of his friend. Fuuma’s smile told him he already knew just how obvious of an error that had been, and had already learned from it, too.

“As long as you get back on the board, whatever, right?”

“Right,” Fuuma turned back around to eye the incoming waves, “What’re you up to out here?”

“Gonna tandem with Sanzo.”

….Yeah Sanzo really didn’t like the sounds of that. Was it too late to paddle really fast back to shore?

Only if Hakkai wasn’t there. _Watching._ Creepy bastard.

Fuuma’s expression remained unchanged, “Are you gonna do any lifts?”

“Nah,” Goku shook his head, “He’s a student. This is to get him used to the waves. He wouldn’t know any lifts.”

Sanzo of course had no idea what the fuck they were talking about. He’d known Fuuma was a volleyball superstar, but not a surfing one as well. That didn’t mean they were allowed to talk like they were _above_ him.

“I’d know more if you actually taught me anything.”

That had Goku laughing again, “Alright, I’ll rephrase. He wouldn’t _want_ to know any lifts, and he’s absolutely convinced that I’m a terrible teacher and he will learn nothing from me.”

“Not about surfing.” Because Sanzo learned _a lot_ about what kind of priorities Goku had.

...And a little bit about sharks.

Goku shook his head and gestured to Fuuma, “You should avoid catching any of the same waves as us. We’re gonna have a, like,” he looked Sanzo over once, “ _nine foot_ radius of domino wipe-out effect. This kid’s tall and he didn’t think practicing standing was important, so we’re gonna slide right off our board and if you’re anywhere near us, we’ll take you with.”

….

Little shit was asking for it, wasn’t he.

“I should have went with the other guy,” was Sanzo’s conclusion.

Fuuma laughed, because they were hilarious. And despite what Sanzo _just_ said, Fuuma could tell they were actually getting along pretty well. At least, better than he would have been with Gojyo, who probably would have responded to the accusation of being a terrible teacher by shoving him off the board, surfing in, and making him swim to shore.

“Thanks for the warning, but I’m probably worse. You’re gonna have to watch out for me just as much. Good luck with the lessons, though. I’m gonna catch this next one.”

Goku watched as Fuuma turned around and caught his target wave, with lots of wobbling and arms out wide for balance, but he was _surfing_ and that’s all that mattered.

“Ready to give it a try?” Goku nudged Sanzo in the arm to get his attention, then started turning their board around, too.

Maybe if he’d been a _bit_ pissier, Sanzo could have called Goku out on that unnecessary touching. But all he said was, “You say that like we’re actually going to do it.”

“We’re going to _try,”_ Goku corrected, “Just do what I tell you, and maybe we’ll be able to do this in under ten attempts. When I tell you to stand up, stand up, okay?” That said, Goku kicked his feet up and laid down on top of him, again.

“And how am I supposed to do that with you on my ass?”

“Obviously, I stand up first.”

“Che. Fine.”

The first attempt was over very quickly.

“Alright, Sanzo, stand up. Stand up! Sanzo, _stand u--”_

The third attempt got a little bit further.

“ _Stand up!_ Good. … Uh, lean forward, Sanzo. Sanzo? Sanzo, lean for--” He slid off the back of the board, and took Goku with him.

The sixth attempt was almost successful...

...except it wasn’t.

The seventh looked promising, what Goku could see of it.

They were both standing on the board, they were both balanced on the board, Goku had them stable on the wave, and so for the first time, the fact that Sanzo was so much _taller_ than Goku finally became a problem.

“Uh, Sanzo? Sanzo, I can’t see.”

“The fuck do you want me to do? If I move, you know we’re going down.”

“Can’t you just... like, bend your knees a little?”

“Why the hell aren’t you up front in the first place?!”

“‘Cause I have to steer from the back! That’s just how the board works!”

“What made you think this would be a good idea when I fucking tower over you?!”

“Well I just... I thought... I didn’t think about it! But Sanzo, we might hit somebody like this!”

“And whose fault is that going to be!? You’re supposed to be the goddamn teacher!”

“ _Fine!_ Then _I’ll_ fix it!”

“SHIT! What the _fuck_ are you doing!? Put me _down!!”_

“But I can see now! Also, _this_ is a lift.”

“Oh fuck you! I’m not an idiot, I can see _exactly_ what this is!”

“Yeah, the easiest lift in tandem surfing! Told ya I could flirt and surf at the same ti-OW! _Shi-_ ”

And into the water they went.

The ninth never got on the wave.

They were still sitting up on the board in the lineup, waiting for a wave to catch when Sanzo saw it.

“Holy shit, it’s a shark!”

Goku rolled his eyes, “It is _not--_ ” but then he saw it, too, “Oh, hey, it is.”

Sanzo did not feel the same comfort that Goku did. To the point that he pulled his feet out of the water and onto the board. The board that he then promptly shoved Goku off of.

“You’re the expert, you deal with it!”

“San-” And then Goku’s mouth was full of water. That was uncalled for. It was a _tiny_ shark, too. Like, maybe it could nibble off a few toes. ...Okay, _maybe_ a foot, but that didn’t mean it _would._

Goku came back to the surface for air and gave the blond a _look_ , “Sanzo, it’s not gonna do anything.”

“It’s a fucking _shark,”_ Sanzo defended.

“Just a little one!”

“It still has teeth!”

“Aww, Sanzo,” Goku’s lips pulled themselves into a smug, but playful, smile, “Do you want me to save you from the itty bitty shark?”

Sanzo flipped him off again.

“Fuck you. I’ll save myself while it feeds on your bleeding corpse.”

The smile didn’t even leave his lips underwater, when he was holding his breath while he sought out the shark. Poor thing didn’t even seem to care that they were _there,_ but Sanzo sure cared where _it_ was. Goku reached out and bopped it solidly on the nose, and the little shark veered violently off to the side, almost looked like it might turn around and come back, but swam away instead. Just like pulling on a swimming cat’s tail.

Goku rose to the surface again and draped his arms over the top of the board, “Is that better, Sanzo?”

….

Did the little brat seriously just fend off a _fucking shark_ for him? Well shit...

Sanzo might have discovered he respected Goku a little bit even if he hated him a little more.

He stared at the retreating shadow in the water a second or two longer to make _sure_ it was gone, and not coming back with its friends, before returning his eyes to Goku.

“Yeah.”

The tenth began with panic.

“Fuuma! What are you doing?!”

“Catching this wave!”

“But _we’re_ catching this wave!”

“So we’ll ride it together!”

“I thought we were _avoiding_ that!”

“What happened to the fucking nine foot radius?!”

“You’re not _that_ tall.”

“The _board_ is!”

...In the end, it was Sanzo’s attempt to flip _both_ of them off that put all three in the water.

Tries eleven through fourteen were thwarted largely by Sanzo’s bitching. If Goku didn’t know better, he’d think the man was coming up with excuses to dive into the drink.

“This has got to be the most useless fucking sport...”

Goku dragged the board back to him and sighed, “Please stop insulting the sport I’ve dedicated my life to, thanks.”

“I will when you can prove otherwise.”

“It’s a lot more fun when you can stay on the board.”

“ _Fuck_ the board. Give me a jet ski anyday.”

“I didn’t know you jet skied,” His tone was lightly surprised and inquisitive, as Goku climbed back on the runaway surfboard, “We can do that next time. Now, get back on the board.”

...What, they were planning things together now? How the fuck did that happen?

“Haven’t we covered all the ways to fall _off_ of it by now? Because that’s that only damn thing I’ve learned.”

“And a tandem surfing lift and a little bit about sharks.”

Sanzo would not comment on the sharks.

“That’s not getting me any closer to my fucking wave!”

“It’s a _sport,_ Sanzo. _Practice_ is built-in! You don’t get any better if you don’t try again and again. That’s just how it works!”

“I also don’t get better if I don’t know what the hell I’m doing! I’m just a fucking tag-along while you do all the work!”

Goku rolled his eyes, “I guarantee your body is unconsciously learning how to balance on the board, and you definitely can’t steer if you can’t _balance_ first. Look at Fuuma!”

“I don’t give a shit how your other students are doing! I’m not them!”

“You’re right, you’re _not_ them. You’re doing much _better._ So get back on the board and we can try again!”

“Don’t fucking patronize me!”

Goku threw his hands into the air, “ _How_ was that patronizing you?!” Then he shook his head, “It doesn’t matter. C’mon, _get back on the board.”_

It was out of sheer defiance that Sanzo said, “ _No.”_

“What do you _mean_ ‘No’?!”

“The hell do you think it means!?”

“I think it means you’re giving up!” Goku turned the longboard toward the lineup and gestured once again for the blond to get on, “Sanzo, are you really gonna let the _water_ beat you?”

…

The fifteenth attempt went miraculously well, so on the sixteenth, Goku decided to try something new.

This would either be amazing, or he would die by drowning, but Goku never weighed his options too heavily before he went for gold.

He got the board steady beneath them, made sure Sanzo was steady _on_ it, then crouched down and dove his head between the blond’s legs.

To lift him up on his shoulders, of course.

Sanzo ….didn’t squawk, but it was the closest he would ever come to it in his lifetime.

“HOLY FUCKING HELL, WHAT ARE Y---How the _fuck_ are you able to do that?!?”

“I’m going to be snarky and say, _‘practice.’”_

Goku wasn’t allowed to be snarky when he was _between his legs._

“You aren’t doing a fucking thing to diffuse the relationship between surfers and perverts, you know.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I can with you,” Goku and honesty were like peanut butter and jelly, or hot fudge and ice cream, or cookies and milk. They were natural together, but Goku would swear, if ever asked, that he was _still_ behaving better than Gojyo would be, “Maybe if you _were_ a brainless bimbo, I could be more professional. But it’s _hard_ when I actually _like_ you.”

…..

Sanzo didn’t think his brain could handle that just yet, and it wasn’t only because of the fact that from the moment they met, he hadn’t given Goku a _single damn thing_ to like about him. So he stared. Down at the face in his crotch, his hands gripping at wet spikes of brown hair for stability in spite of how wrong it was.

“So you stick your face in the junk of the people you like. Am I supposed to feel honored?”

“Honored? Nah,” Goku would have shook his head if that wouldn’t be incredibly awkward, “But I’d like it if you enjoyed yourself.”

“...I’m here because I lost a goddamn bet. How much fun do you expect me to have?”

“With my face in your crotch? What kind of man _are_ you?”

Sanzo tugged on the hair he was clinging to.

“I never asked for it to be there!”

“Consider it a gift, then! No thanks necessary, just moan appreciatively every once in awhile and I’ll be satisfied.”

…........

This was just.... getting too weird for Sanzo.

“The fuck! Go to one of the clubs if you wanna suck a cock so bad!”

If Goku didn’t know that tilting his head back would dump Sanzo backwards off the board, he would have tried to look at him, “Just what makes you think any cock would do?”

“Well you clearly don’t have an issue with strangers, since we only met _today._ So go suck Fuuma off if beginning surfers are your kink.”

Goku made a thoughtful sound, low in his throat, “...I think my kink is feisty blond assholes. Fuuma doesn’t really fit. Are you trying to say you don’t like me, or are you just being difficult?”

“ _Like_ you?” Sanzo repeated it like there was a taste in his mouth so foreign, “Well fuck, I didn’t know we were dating now.” 

“We’re not,” It did not escape Goku’s attention that Sanzo was _dodging the question,_ “I’m saying we could be, if you’d quit being all, ‘I’m too cool to get hit on and like it.’”

Sanzo yanked on Goku’s hair again.

“Just teach me how to fucking surf and stop getting strange ideas!”

“Ow! _Damn it,_ Sanzo!” There was only so much abuse his hair could ta-”That wasn’t a ‘No.’”

That also earned Goku another yank.

“Focus, dammit!!”

Except that yank had been a little too hard, and a little too distracting, and Sanzo leaned a _little_ too far when he did it, so Goku was a little bit late trying to fix it.

The splash when they hit the water wasn’t little at all, though.

Goku broke the surface with a loud gasp. Sanzo was shit at untangling before they fell; Goku had totally just taken a knee to the face. He shook his head from side to side, ridding it of excess water as if it would make any difference at all.

When Sanzo came up for air, it was to add another condition to his list.

“No more lifts.”

“What are you talking about?” Despite it all, the athlete’s eyes were alight with excitement, “That was _awesome!”_

“That _was not_ awesome!” Sanzo didn’t know _what_ that was, but having Goku between his legs, _wanting_ to be there and blatantly wanting something _else_...

Shit, he did not need to battle attraction and arousal when he was having a hard enough time with water, board, and _balance._

Hakkai was a terrible friend, that was all Sanzo knew.

“ _No more lifts._ ”

Goku’s expression was indulgent as he turned and gestured behind them, “But look how long we were on the board for. I think this is the furthest we’ve gone, yet!”

...Goku may have had a point, but that didn’t make him right, and it didn’t mean he was allowed to dive right back into his crotch dammit.

“We’re not going to get any further if you keep getting all weird on me!”

There was a pause, and then Goku looked back at him, “Weird?”

Sanzo stared right back. He wasn’t playing this game. “ _Weird._ ”

He turned all the way around to face the blond, “Is it weird that I’m hitting on you or weird that you kind of like it?”  
“It’s all fucking weird!”

...

There was a pause before Sanzo added, “Don’t act like you know what I like!”

Goku grinned, “I’m not acting.”

Sanzo did not like that grin. But he didn’t like where Goku was going with this even more.

“Fuck you! You don’t know an--Nnmph!”

He hadn’t anticipated Goku going right for his mouth. Then and there. In the middle of the ocean. Where they were supposed to be _not flirting._

Sanzo bit him.

Goku moaned.

He leaned back from the kiss just enough to lock violet and gold. Maybe Sanzo didn’t see it, but Goku sure did. The blond must have been blind to this sort of thing, because it was kind of obvious. They were the _definition_ of excitement for the other. Life would _never_ be boring if they were together. But Sanzo wasn’t dumb; as soon as he stopped _insisting_ on being blind, he’d see it. And maybe Goku could help by lifting the blindfold just a little.

He dropped his eyes to Sanzo’s lips, the teeth he couldn’t see holding him in place, then met those violets again. Goku may have started this kiss, but it was _Sanzo_ who wasn’t letting him go.

Lately it seemed Sanzo had a penchant for spectacular backfire. At the very least, in this particular case, he got some physical _good_ out of it. For a brief moment, his world had been simplified, and attraction was winning out when his teeth slowly dragged across the captive lip before he released it. They were still so close, and Sanzo looked like he was just about to close the distance all over again when it hit him.

What. The. Fuck.

….

What the _Fuck!?_

Glaring, and the _tiniest_ bit flushed, Sanzo roughly shoved Goku away wishing he had something to smack him with. Repeatedly. Because damn.

How dare the brat be a great kisser on top of everything else.

“What the fuck was _that!?!_ ”

Goku went with the momentum, choosing not to answer right away because his mind was still foggy with a light dusting of lust, and drifted over to their board. He climbed back on, ran a hand through his hair... and that’s when he decided to wink at Sanzo.

“Pretty awesome, I think.”

Lot of help that was. The blond was not at all amused. Partially because his control almost slipped again when Goku winked at him.

Once more, Sanzo would not venture near the board.

“Is this some kind of fucking habit for you?”

Goku shook his head.

“Man, Gojyo makes _fun_ of me for how little action I get. I just like you. You’re doin’ all sorts of good things for me, and I’ve got no reason to deny it. Except professionalism, but given how I got my job, I doubt that’s really important.”

While it _was_ more information than before, this did not help Sanzo either. Dammit.

“So I need a new teacher.”

“Gojyo might hit on you, just to send you back to me.”

“Then maybe I’ll just figure this fucking thing out myself.”

“Stop saying things you don’t mean and get on the board. It’s gonna take awhile to paddle back out.”

“ _Hell_ no.”

“Why not?”

“Why do you _think_ , you goddamn pervert?”

Goku narrowly avoided laughing when he realized what Sanzo was getting at, instead choosing to scoot forward on the board, “Alright, you can be in the back for the paddle out, if you want.”

….

Was that supposed to be ...better? Sanzo gave Goku a long look. Purely observational, of course, even as water was dripping temptingly over sinewy curves...

Ahem.

Sanzo made his way closer to the board. At least in the back he would be in control, so long as his brain chose not to re-envision the same set up in the bedroom.

Bastard just _had_ to kiss him, didn’t he.

“Fine.”

The seventeenth try ended shortly in the water. The fragile balance they had barely found was in pieces, but Goku was sure they could get it back.

“That sucked. Silver lining: we don’t have to paddle out as far.”

“Fuck this...”

Goku shrugged, “It’s not _that_ bad. We just have to get back on the board and try again.”

Sanzo glared. Everything had been …..okayishly decent before they almost made out. Now they, or at least _he_ , was all out of sorts.

“To wipe out twenty more times. We’re back at square one.”

“No, we’re not.” Goku insisted, as he climbed up onto the longboard again, “You know what to do, now. We just have to try again. So get back on the board.”

Pushy little snot.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Goku could fix this.

“What do you me-” Cutting himself off, Goku leaned precariously over the edge of the board and peered down into the water, “Hey, it’s another shark!”

“Oh shi--” Sanzo didn’t even finish before he was back on the surfboard. All limbs safely _out_ of the water. “Where the fuck is it!?”

Goku peered a little bit longer, and then... “Oh, nevermind, it was just a shadow.”

He laid down and started paddling. It was a good thing he was in front now, or Sanzo might take offense at his grin.

After the nineteenth try, Goku noticed that Fuuma had gone mysteriously missing, and he didn’t remember seeing the other man swim back to shore.

But Sanzo was still bitching and it demanded attention, so Goku couldn’t spend any time investigating.

At about try twenty-three, Goku flopped onto the board and groaned, “I’m _so_ hungry! We’ve been at this so long and lunch was supposed to be _three hours ago!”_

Food... actually sounded kind of good to Sanzo after all this exertion. But hold the phone.

“I still haven’t caught my damn wave.”

“So you can try again tomorrow.”

Somehow Sanzo knew Hakkai was smiling. He could hope that Lelouch would have an assignment for him tomorrow, even if that meant Sanzo having to call in the hit himself.

“Then let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Goku smiled. That sounded like a pretty good opening. All he had to do was get Sanzo to _not_ ditch him the moment they were on land.

“You feel like pasta? I know a great place on the broadwalk that has more than just pizza.”

That was harmless right? There was no unnecessary touching involved in eating pasta as far as he knew. Nor were there sharks.

Sanzo shrugged. “Yeah sure.”

The smile morphed into one of those silly, uncontrolled, ridiculously _happy_ grins.

It was a date.


End file.
